09-10-23

i've been lying here with a knot in my chest for most of the morning. we went to amsterdam on the weekend to see my best friend and my dad. it was a worthwhile but costly trip!

i actually had a really nice time with my dad, and it seems that with distance i am more open to allowing myself to love him. it's hard... we are very similar in many ways but also clash. when he actually just chills out, i enjoy spending time with him. i feel like i got a little insight into his personal world. i even suggested a book to him ("i don't want to talk about it: overcoming the secret legacy of male depression") - we'll see if he reads it.

i was absolutely exhausted yesterday but we managed to make it home in one piece. since we've moved overseas, i've become more aware of how important comfort and "home" is to me. i try not to indulge these thoughts too much, but a part of me wants to catch a flight back to australia and be at home. i miss home. our flat is not very homely. i love the friend that we live with, but i do miss just living with my boyfriend and having the whole place to ourselves. i know that friend wakes and showers at about 1100. i sort of time everything around that, which is a mild annoyance. i'm really not looking forward to going to work in an hour or so. i have my first overnight shift. it's literally the least taxing job i've had, but i just feel like spending the day at home, mosying around the flat. i also am still getting over the cold i caught a week ago! i also need to buy a new case for my iphone. my old case broke a couple of weeks ago, and as it turns out, iphones are extremely slippery without a case and i have dropped it about 5 times.

i've been looking at ASCII art. there are so many wonderful landscapes that people have made. below is one of what i assume is a coyote howling at the moon. desert scape.

            ,                        '           .        '        ,  
    .            .        '       .         ,         
                                                    .       '     +
        +          .-'''''-.     
                 .'         `.   +     .     ________||
        ___     :             :     |       /        ||  .     '___
   ____/   \   :               :   ||.    _/      || ||\_______/   \
  /         \  :      _/|      :   `|| __/      ,.|| ||             \
 /  ,   '  . \  :   =/_/      :     |'_______     || ||  ||   .      \
     |        \__`._/ |     .'   ___|        \__   \\||  ||...    ,   \
    l|,   '   (   /  ,|...-'        \   '   ,     __\||_//___          
  ___|____     \_/^\/||__    ,    .  ,__             ||//    \    .  ,
            _/~  `""~`"` \_           ''(       ....,||/       '   
  ..,...  __/  -'/  `-._ `\_\__        | \           ||  _______   .
    itz/jgs/ccm'`  `\   \  \-.\        /(_1_,..      || /
                                             ______/""""